Luv Coach Q&A: Holiday Grief and Loss

My boyfriend's father passed away last month and this is his first Xmas without any parents at all. I invited him to come and spend the holiday with me and my family, but he said he wants to be alone. I am really worried about him, and I want to spend the holiday with him. We have been dating for two years, and it pains me to see him this way. What can I do?

It is not easy watching someone you love experience pain, especially when they are unwilling to accept your help. When you care for them, you want to see them happy in life. When they are unhappy and you can't do anything to change that, you may feel frustrated and powerless. It sounds like you may be taking his refusal to join your family personally, and you may question your relationship and his feelings for you. You need to understand that your boyfriend's need to be alone is part of his healing process, and has no bearing on his love for you. Explain how you feel, and tell him you understand if he needs some time alone to grieve. Tell him how much it would mean to you for him to spend this holiday with you. Reconfirm your love for him and let him know that when he is ready, you will be there with an open heart.

The College Survival Guide

A Fridge
Regardless of whether you have a wonderful sized meal plan, your fridge may come in handy with leftovers or when you feel like stocking it with bottled drinks.

Computer
The convenience of a computer is essential when sending your kids off to college. Forget the hike to the computer lab across campus students need a computer in the comfort of their room. A printer comes in handy as well. Depending on whether your child plans to carry his laptop around campus, you might opt for a desk top since they're lighter on the pockets.

Snacks
You will surely survive with off of a meal plan but it doesn't hurt to stock up on snacks when you don't feel like leaving your dorm room. Bottled water, pop corn, cereal and Ramen noodles are all low budget snacks to stock up on. Just be weary of the freshman 15.

Things from home
Some college students suffer from homesickness the first year. It's best to surround yourself with things like photos of the family, pillows or even stuffed animals. Anything that reminds your child of home.

MP3 Player
With all the stress that comes from school and exams, sometimes it's nice to block out the chaos in your life and even your roommate with music. It's nearly impossible to find students walking to class who aren't jamming to tunes.

Budget
Students who enter college often come in at the ripening age of 18. A great time for credit cards. Parents beware, your child may end up ruining their credit at a young age

Alarm Clock
When you're in college you don't have the luxury of getting awaken by your parents. It's now your responsibility to get to class on time so alarm clocks are a must. But keep your roommate in mind. You shouldn't wake him up ever morning with a blow horn alarm.

Cleaning supplies
Now you don't necessarily need to bring in the rubber gloves, mop and gas mask but it doesn't hurt to bring along Clorox all purpose wipes for spills or dust. Vacuums and brooms come in handy too depending if you have a carpeted dorm.

Bedding
What most parents aren't aware of is that most college beds are twin sized but extra long and require special sheets. When shopping keep your eye open for sheets that clearly state 'extra long' or else your child may come up short.

Shower shoes
You really don't know what some people do in the shower these days. College showers are known to be creeping with germs so spare yourself the fungus and purchase flip flops for the shower. You'll thank us later!

My husband died earlier this year of colon cancer and we don't have any kids. I just feel really lonely without him. You marry someone and vow to be with them till death do us part, but I just didn't ever think that I would lose him so soon. I just want to crawl into bed and sleep. How do I move past these awful feelings?

The holiday season is the most difficult time for people who have lost a partner. Moving beyond the grieving happens by taking it one day at a time, and keeping yourself in touch with life around you. Call on your closest friends this season and ask for their support. Take time to yourself when you need it, but push yourself to be social, even when you aren't feeling up to it. Do something this during this time of the year to honor your husband, like lighting a candle, or hanging a special ornament. Make a list of three new hobbies or interests you have always wanted to learn to do, and sign up for classes. This is also a good time to journal your thoughts and feelings so that you once they are down on paper, they are less likely to take up space in your mind. Remember that you do not have to do this alone. It is your choice to surround yourself with people who support you, so allow yourself to heal through love.