Luv Coach Q&A: Dating & Control

My boyfriend is very laid back, and when ever I ask him what we should do, he just tells me to pick whatever. He doesn't take any initiative when it comes to planning our dates, and I feel like I am doing all the work. Sometimes I want to just take a break and let someone else be responsible for my entertainment and happiness. He doesn't seem to understand why I am frustrated, because he thinks I should be happy that we always do what I want. This is becoming a burden on our relationship. How do I get him to step up and do his part?

The College Survival Guide

A Fridge
Regardless of whether you have a wonderful sized meal plan, your fridge may come in handy with leftovers or when you feel like stocking it with bottled drinks.

Computer
The convenience of a computer is essential when sending your kids off to college. Forget the hike to the computer lab across campus students need a computer in the comfort of their room. A printer comes in handy as well. Depending on whether your child plans to carry his laptop around campus, you might opt for a desk top since they're lighter on the pockets.

Snacks
You will surely survive with off of a meal plan but it doesn't hurt to stock up on snacks when you don't feel like leaving your dorm room. Bottled water, pop corn, cereal and Ramen noodles are all low budget snacks to stock up on. Just be weary of the freshman 15.

Things from home
Some college students suffer from homesickness the first year. It's best to surround yourself with things like photos of the family, pillows or even stuffed animals. Anything that reminds your child of home.

MP3 Player
With all the stress that comes from school and exams, sometimes it's nice to block out the chaos in your life and even your roommate with music. It's nearly impossible to find students walking to class who aren't jamming to tunes.

Budget
Students who enter college often come in at the ripening age of 18. A great time for credit cards. Parents beware, your child may end up ruining their credit at a young age

Alarm Clock
When you're in college you don't have the luxury of getting awaken by your parents. It's now your responsibility to get to class on time so alarm clocks are a must. But keep your roommate in mind. You shouldn't wake him up ever morning with a blow horn alarm.

Cleaning supplies
Now you don't necessarily need to bring in the rubber gloves, mop and gas mask but it doesn't hurt to bring along Clorox all purpose wipes for spills or dust. Vacuums and brooms come in handy too depending if you have a carpeted dorm.

Bedding
What most parents aren't aware of is that most college beds are twin sized but extra long and require special sheets. When shopping keep your eye open for sheets that clearly state 'extra long' or else your child may come up short.

Shower shoes
You really don't know what some people do in the shower these days. College showers are known to be creeping with germs so spare yourself the fungus and purchase flip flops for the shower. You'll thank us later!

It can become exhausting to always be the person who is responsible for taking control of your relationship and being responsible for providing the entertainment. Even though your boyfriend may feel that he is fulfilling your every wish by only doing what you want, this choice shifts the balance of power, diminishes the trust, and makes you see your boyfriend as someone who cannot take care of you. This will inevitably undermine your relationship. A great exercise to remedy this situation is called the "Surrender Date". At least twice a month let him know that he will be planning a special date, in which he has to choose what you wear, what you do, where you eat, how you get there. It is his choice to plan the entire date, and you do not have a choice in any of it. Allow yourself to relax and enjoy whatever he chooses for you, because this is your opportunity to show how much you support him.

I have been dating a very controlling woman for several months now. When we go out she picks the restaurant, chooses the wine, bullies me into getting what she likes to eat. In the beginning I was okay with it, because I wanted to please her, but now I feel like she doesn't care to even know what I like or don't like. She often makes me feel like a child, and scolds me if I mess up. I feel like this is a one way relationship, and I think I should get out while I still have my dignity in tact. Is there hope for us, or should I just high tail it out of this relationship?

This is a poor start to a relationship, because you are both playing the wrong roles. She is playing the role of mother, and you are playing the role of naughty child. You need to correct this immediately if you want your relationship to develop and grow on a healthy path. The first thing you can do is bring this to her attention. Let her know that you are both playing unhealthy roles and you are feeling diminished within the relationship. You both need to be consciously aware of these roles each time you interact and ask yourself if the roles playing out are mom and son, or boyfriend and girlfriend. Ask yourself, "As her boyfriend what choice is appropriate to make?"; "Is she asking me as my girlfriend, or do I feel mothered?" Let her know that the way she scolds you is not working for you, and come up with a new way for her to approach you when you mess up. These questions will help you maintain a healthier role, and will allow you to work out the kinks in your relationship before you decide to call it quits.

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