Autopsy: Trayvon Martin Died Of Single Gunshot Fired From…
Census: Minorities Now Surpass Whites In US Births
I am married and my husband cheated on me with another woman. He then had the nerve to bring her in my home. He wanted us to live together. What should I do?
You need to decide what kind of life you want to live and who you want to live it with. It sounds like monogamy is a requirement of your relationship, therefore it is time to reset the boundaries with your husband. He made a commitment to marry you and now he has broken it, which shows that he is selfish and cannot be trusted. He has brought a third party into the marriage without asking you, which shows a lack of respect for your feelings. Let him know that you did not sign up to be in a polygamous relationship, and that if he wants to be with you then it is with only you. If he continues to cheat, then it's time to say goodbye.
2008 Deaths
Odetta Holmes
"The Voice of the Civil Rights Movement" was a singer, actress, guitarist, songwriter and activist.
December 31 1930 - December 2 2008.
Ray Tamarra , Getty
Bernie Mac
Comedian, Actor
Oct. 5, 1957 - Aug. 9, 2008.
AP
Isaac Hayes
Singer, songwriter, record producer, composer and actor.
August 20, 1942 - August 10, 2008
Reuters
Miriam Makeba, "Mama Africa"
South African folk singer and anti-apartheid activist.
March 4, 1932 - November 10, 2008.
Reuters
Jennifer Hudson's 57-year-old mother, Darnell Donerson, brother, Jason, and 7-year-old nephew, Julian King, were killed in 2008.
AP
Shakir Stewart
The Island Def Jam executive who became head of the legendary rap label following Jay-Z's departure, killed himself on Nov. 1. He was 34 years old.
Getty
George Carlin
Stand-up comedian, actor and author.
May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008
Getty Images
Madelyn Dunham
Barack Obama's grandmother
October 26, 1922 - Nov 3, 2008.
Getty Images
Levi Stubbs
Oct. 17: The iconic lead singer, second from left, who gave voice to Four Tops classics like "Reach Out I'll Be There" and "Baby I Need Your Loving" died at 72 from complications of cancer and a stroke. Abdul Fakir, far left, is now the sole living member of the original quartet.
Corbis
Dee Dee Warwick
Oct. 18: The soul songstress died after months of declining health. Warwick, the sister of soul legend Dionne, also achieved a great deal of success, both as a solo artist as well as with her sister.
Corbis
I am an African American female. I am well educated -- I have a masters in Physics, I am a former educator and part-time professor. I left my husband of 23 years, took my youngest two, and headed West with the "man of my dreams" i.e., a struggling but very, very good musician. My problem is that I am supporting us, and it has been a financial nightmare. We all moved to Nevada primarily so Mike could get good "gigs" in Vegas. To his credit, he has made slow and steady progress, but progress does not pay the bills. In the short 8 months that we have lived out here, I woke up each morning with this wonderful man by my side, and I was so happy. But now, his joblessness is like a rude awakening. The fog of romance is lifting, and I am waking up to I can't believe what. I feel utterly stupid. I feel like this is becoming a dead-end relationship. I have lost so much financially, waiting for him just to contribute his fair half. Should I leave a good man, because he is chronically, constantly broke? To hear him tell it, he is just one good permanent gig away from a steady, consistent income. What would you do?
It is not easy being the sole bread winner in a relationship when you feel like your partner is not pulling their share of the weight. You want your man to make you feel safe and secure, and when he doesn't fulfill that role, you see him as less of a man. It is time to share your worries with him in a constructive way. Let him know that you need serious help to support your family. He may have to get a job to contribute and play with his band during his off hours. Let him know the gravity of your situation and ask him for help. If he takes the initiative and starts contributing then you will know what kind of man he really is and whether or not he is the one who is right for you.
Comments: (67)
Add a comment
By: Rozlyn on 1/04/2009 8:13PM
Hello Vcrole,
It won't be appropriate for me to suggest rather you stay or leave in your relationship. Simply because, leaving a relationship should always be determined by one's self inventory, making a clear judgement to leave. Nevertheless, My advice given in a earlier posting, with regard to the story of The Wizard of OZ... Can apply to you as well."
One statement you made jumped at me:
(Me and my "BOYFRIEND" have been together for over two years. More than one year, he has been "UNEMPLOYED"....
My advice is loving, but yet a true dose of truth. Just like the Educated woman mentioned on this blog website. "YOUR NOT MARRIED OR LEGALLY BOUND TO YOUR PROBLEM!" It's obvious that your boyfriend has taken terrible advantage of your supportive nature. Their is a difference between a person who fails, but continues to keep trying; and a lazy leech!" You have a beautiful supportive nature for people. However, began to focus more on strengtening your goals.
Here's my opinion only!
"Queens look for kings!" Click your heels "FAST" Dorthy!"
Good luck in life,
Roz...
Reply to this Comment | Report This
By: Rozlyn on 1/11/2009 11:26PM
Hello Maringold sing,
I couldn't have expressed better advice myself.' Deeply enjoyed reading your postings/remarks.
Roz..
Reply to this Comment | Report This
By: Nia on 1/04/2009 9:18PM
NO! NO! And, NO! AGAIN!!!! This is ridiculous and I'm SICK of it!
If YOU have a job, HE should have a job.
If YOU are financially stable, HE should be financially stable.
If YOU can be faithful, so can HE! This is stupid!
Stop settling! I am sick of my sista friends calling me and crying about how some jobless, unintelligent, cheating brotha has hurt them AGAIN! And, the next week, she's back with him! Stop it! Men do it because WE (women) allow it! I'd rather be by myself than with someone who is hurting me or using me. A relationship should be a partnership in which each party gives 100%. Stop looking for a man to complete you. If you're not already complete, you have no business trying to latch on to someone else. It's not fair to the other person. Cut it out!
Reply to this Comment | Report This
By: Lynn on 1/05/2009 10:31PM
NO! NO! And, NO! AGAIN!!!! This is ridiculous and I'm SICK of it! If YOU have a job, HE should have a job. If YOU are financially stable, HE should be financially stable. If YOU can be faithful, so can HE! This is stupid! Stop settling! I am sick of my sista friends calling me and cryingabout how some jobless, unintelligent, cheating brotha has hurt themAGAIN! And, the next week, she's back with him! Stop it! Men do itbecause WE (women) allow it! I'd rather be by myself than withsomeone who is hurting me or using me. A relationship should be apartnership in which each party gives 100%. Stop looking for a man tocomplete you. If you're not already complete, you have no businesstrying to latch on to someone else. It's not fair to the otherperson. Cut it out!
***By the way, for those of you who think I'm some lonely, bitter sista.......
I have a WONDERFUL man who has his own money, house, career, cars, etc..... I've been hurt. I've been used. And, I had to learn.
Reply to this Comment | Report This
By: Miss. Amy Nicole on 1/04/2009 10:11PM
Once a cheater, always a cheater...dont wait to see if he is going to cheat again!!!! And, the second lady....i agree with the talking to him and telling that you do need help, and to see if he is going to help, if he is focus just on his music than he is just selfish...and is tryin to find a way for himself!
Reply to this Comment | Report This
By: bekah on 1/09/2009 5:18PM
I am married...15 years..husband is 20 years older. He 'rescued' me from an very abusive relationship and lost an eye due to a gunshot wound because of it. My ex and late husband died in prison. Alot of negative jive between he and my son, now 23 years old. He is a great housecleaner, takes care of our animals, sets out my vitamins and makes my lunch. He dotes on me and puts me on a pedastle....I feel like a bird in a cage alot of the time. When we first married he talked me into quiting my job where he works and finishing school and taking care of my son...9 yr old at the time. I have since graduated with 3 degrees and 5 years ago I started teaching. At first we did everything!! together..tit-for-tat...he would even come to the school when I was there late at night and sleep on the table. At first I thought it was 'cute' but after years of this I have started to feel as if I am in a cage or a puppy in the yard...allowed to only stay in that area and go according to plan. Teaching is not a clock in and out thing and I stay at school sometimes till 5 or 6 PM. This makes him crazy. I have slowly grown away from him and have found someone I really care about. I need advice....I have tried to listen when I pray...I feel dedicated to him...like I owe him. I can't set apart one single thing to say that's why I want to leave??? If he wouldn't hate me and I knew He wouldn't lose it I would have already left. I told him 4 years ago how I felt and he freaked and said he would kill himself and that it had all been a lie??? Not a lie, just grown away from him.
Reply to this Comment | Report This
By: Umar on 1/19/2009 11:11PM
Look when a sista cheats it's because he didn't do something like "baby you don't listen to me" but when a brotha does it, he had no reason. As for the sistas complaining about pulling all the weight, you can't have your cake and eat it too. If the shoe was on the other foot, she wouldn't complain about him pulling all the weight. Now don't get me wrong I don't think it's nothing wrong with a man taking care of his family while his wife stays at home simply if she chose to do so, because that's what GOD (Allah) ordered us to do. However, women, especially my sistas and I love you all but you're too quick to say what you "ain't gone do" whether it's general request like sex, respecting him or anything you feel like your feminisity would go against. Allah (GOD) said in all his scriptures that a man should go into his wife as he wills but you'll tell him no in a heart beat. He also said that a woman should never raise her voice to a man but you're quick to jump up in his face, try to demean him every chance you get, he can't tell you nothing. So the next time you have a complaint decide what you want but follow what you were told to do by the "Higher Up" unless you feel that you're above listening to him too. We were the Children of Isreal and he showed us a people that when we go against what he wills ,we will suffer.
Reply to this Comment | Report This