Luv Coach Q&A: Law & Marriage

My girlfriend and I have been dating for four years, and we had planned to get married next year in California. Right after the law past last spring that gave the right for same sex couples to marry, my girlfriend pulled out a ring and asked me to marry her. She had bought it the year before, and was waiting for it to be legal for us to wed. I immediately set about planning my dream wedding, and we were going to have it next May in Santa Barbara. Now that proposition 8 has passed, we are no longer allowed to get married. I lost it, and threw a huge crying fit. I don't know what to do. I sent out invitations, hired a venue, caterers, picked a dress, a cake, and I am so angry right now, I can't see straight. What do I do?

The College Survival Guide

A Fridge
Regardless of whether you have a wonderful sized meal plan, your fridge may come in handy with leftovers or when you feel like stocking it with bottled drinks.

Computer
The convenience of a computer is essential when sending your kids off to college. Forget the hike to the computer lab across campus students need a computer in the comfort of their room. A printer comes in handy as well. Depending on whether your child plans to carry his laptop around campus, you might opt for a desk top since they're lighter on the pockets.

Snacks
You will surely survive with off of a meal plan but it doesn't hurt to stock up on snacks when you don't feel like leaving your dorm room. Bottled water, pop corn, cereal and Ramen noodles are all low budget snacks to stock up on. Just be weary of the freshman 15.

Things from home
Some college students suffer from homesickness the first year. It's best to surround yourself with things like photos of the family, pillows or even stuffed animals. Anything that reminds your child of home.

MP3 Player
With all the stress that comes from school and exams, sometimes it's nice to block out the chaos in your life and even your roommate with music. It's nearly impossible to find students walking to class who aren't jamming to tunes.

Budget
Students who enter college often come in at the ripening age of 18. A great time for credit cards. Parents beware, your child may end up ruining their credit at a young age

Alarm Clock
When you're in college you don't have the luxury of getting awaken by your parents. It's now your responsibility to get to class on time so alarm clocks are a must. But keep your roommate in mind. You shouldn't wake him up ever morning with a blow horn alarm.

Cleaning supplies
Now you don't necessarily need to bring in the rubber gloves, mop and gas mask but it doesn't hurt to bring along Clorox all purpose wipes for spills or dust. Vacuums and brooms come in handy too depending if you have a carpeted dorm.

Bedding
What most parents aren't aware of is that most college beds are twin sized but extra long and require special sheets. When shopping keep your eye open for sheets that clearly state 'extra long' or else your child may come up short.

Shower shoes
You really don't know what some people do in the shower these days. College showers are known to be creeping with germs so spare yourself the fungus and purchase flip flops for the shower. You'll thank us later!

This is a very difficult time for many couples in California who were hoping to marry their spouses and make their partnerships legal. Even though prop 8 was passed, you and your girlfriend can still celebrate your union. You can get married in Massachusetts, Connecticut or Vermont, so feel free to make your union legally binding in one of these states and hold a special celebration in Santa Barbara with friends and family to commemorate your choice. Just because California will not recognize the marriage, does not mean that it is not a true, deep and lasting commitment. This is your opportunity to bring together your friends, family and loved ones to let them share in your happiness as a couple, and to tie the emotional bonds between you.

I am a homosexual black man, and I have been married to my husband for 3 years. We were wed in Massachusetts, and we have since moved to California, because my husband got a great job here. California passed a law that said they would not recognize gay marriage, and I wanted to know if they have to recognize my marriage, because we were married in a state where it is legal for us to wed. I'm scared because if something happens to my husband, will they recognize that I am his husband, and will I be able to visit him in the hospital? I just don't understand why they would do this. All I want is to be able to love my husband and grow old with him like anybody else wants.

It is understandable for you to feel frustrated and victimized. It is difficult to comprehend why people would make the choice to stand in the way of allowing others to love and be loved. Since the amendment to the constitution banning same sex marriage was passed, the state of California will not recognize your marriage. This doesn't mean that you do not have rights as citizens. Your best choice is to register as domestic partners, so that you will be eligible for many of the same state rights as heterosexual married couples. As discouraging as it is, this will keep you and your partner bonded under law until your right to marry is reinstated. You should also know that the rights of civil unions do not transfer from state to state like marriage does, so if you move again make sure to register as domestic partners if you are in a state that does not recognize gay marriage.

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