My husband and I are financially strapped, but with the holidays around the corner we need to buy gifts for our kids. He told me to charge it to our credit card, but I don't think we should get gifts this year. I know that he thinks we can just pay it off next year, but we already owe the credit card companies a lot of money, and I'm the one who is home when they start calling and harassing us about paying. We've been fighting over this for the last month, and it is definitely affecting our relationship. How do we find common ground here?

The holidays can be a stressful time of year, and with the financial down turn in the economy and lack of jobs, couples may find that the stress easily leads to fighting. It sounds like the real issue here is that your husband is struggling with his role as provider, and even though you feel you are pointing out the obvious, that your family cannot afford to spend money on gifts, the message he is receiving is that he is a poor husband who is not fulfilling his duty as provider. Sit down together and let him know that he is doing a great job. Take this time to go over your weekly budget, trim the fat, and scale back your spending. Refrain from buying anything that is not an immediate necessity. The money you shave off the top should be put away in a holiday fund for gifts. This is not a season to be excessive, so pick one gift for each person that you feel is reasonably priced, and buy everything on sale. You want to place emphasis on the real reason for celebrating. The holidays are about coming together as a family and sharing your love with each other, and that is the true gift of Christmas.

My boyfriend and I agreed to spend Thanksgiving with my family this year and Xmas with his family. My family wants me to come home, but they don't want me to bring my boyfriend. When I asked why, my mom said it was because we weren't married. She recently found God, after being an alcoholic for 14 years, and when we disagree on something she throws the Bible at me. This has never been a problem in the past, and my boyfriend keeps joking that he's not sure if he wants to spend Thanksgiving with "Bible thumpers." My father told me to just bring him, but I feel like this is a recipe for disaster. What should I do?

Change is the one constant everyone can depend upon, and as we see from your family, a major transition has taken place. Your mother has chosen a new and healthy path in order to fight her addiction, and this is a great change in the dynamic of your family. When change happens there is a ripple effect that begins at the epicenter of that change and those ripples touch everything around it. It feels to you like that ripple is a tidal wave, since this is the first time you are experiencing the effects of your mothers new choices. You need to have a frank discussion about the choices she has made and how they are affecting your life. Alcoholics are usually absent parents, so there is probably some resentment that your mother has finally decided to show up and be a parent, when you are already an adult. Let her know that you support her decision to get sober, but that she too needs to support the transition you are experiencing. There are a lot issues between you and your mother that have obviously not been worked out, and spending time together over the holidays might be a good time to begin reconnection work. You will definitely need the love and support of your boyfriend through this process, so let your mother know why you want him to be there with you. Hire a relationship coach to help you and your mother make this transition smoother.