Autopsy: Trayvon Martin Died Of Single Gunshot Fired From…
Census: Minorities Now Surpass Whites In US Births
I've been dating a lovely man over the Internet for the last 5 months. He lives in Virginia and I live in Boston. He asked me to move in with him, so that we could take our relationship to the next level. I feel I am in love with him, but I'm not sure if I am ready to give up my friends and my job here in Boston. Any advice?
This is a good time to listen to your instincts, which are telling you that this is not the right time to make a move. A relationship needs time to grow and five months is not enough time to truly get to know someone. You two are still in the pre-commitment phase of your relationship, which means that you feel you might be in love, but really you are in the infatuation stage. Your body is releasing chemicals which lead to powerful feelings of attraction, closeness, well being, excitement, and love. These feelings can blind you from consciously learning if this relationship fulfills your requirements. Give yourself at least 18 months to truly get to know each other, and to see if you are actually compatible. Make a list of the requirements, functional needs, and emotional needs for the relationship, and give yourself enough time to make sure that they are being met.
The College Survival Guide
A Fridge
Regardless of whether you have a wonderful sized meal plan, your fridge may come in handy with leftovers or when you feel like stocking it with bottled drinks.
Computer
The convenience of a computer is essential when sending your kids off to college. Forget the hike to the computer lab across campus students need a computer in the comfort of their room. A printer comes in handy as well. Depending on whether your child plans to carry his laptop around campus, you might opt for a desk top since they're lighter on the pockets.
Snacks
You will surely survive with off of a meal plan but it doesn't hurt to stock up on snacks when you don't feel like leaving your dorm room. Bottled water, pop corn, cereal and Ramen noodles are all low budget snacks to stock up on. Just be weary of the freshman 15.
Things from home
Some college students suffer from homesickness the first year. It's best to surround yourself with things like photos of the family, pillows or even stuffed animals. Anything that reminds your child of home.
MP3 Player
With all the stress that comes from school and exams, sometimes it's nice to block out the chaos in your life and even your roommate with music. It's nearly impossible to find students walking to class who aren't jamming to tunes.
Budget
Students who enter college often come in at the ripening age of 18. A great time for credit cards. Parents beware, your child may end up ruining their credit at a young age
Alarm Clock
When you're in college you don't have the luxury of getting awaken by your parents. It's now your responsibility to get to class on time so alarm clocks are a must. But keep your roommate in mind. You shouldn't wake him up ever morning with a blow horn alarm.
Cleaning supplies
Now you don't necessarily need to bring in the rubber gloves, mop and gas mask but it doesn't hurt to bring along Clorox all purpose wipes for spills or dust. Vacuums and brooms come in handy too depending if you have a carpeted dorm.
Bedding
What most parents aren't aware of is that most college beds are twin sized but extra long and require special sheets. When shopping keep your eye open for sheets that clearly state 'extra long' or else your child may come up short.
Shower shoes
You really don't know what some people do in the shower these days. College showers are known to be creeping with germs so spare yourself the fungus and purchase flip flops for the shower. You'll thank us later!
My boyfriend of 2 years feels that we need to move our relationship forward by living together. I was raised in a strict religious household, and there is no way I could tell my parents I was living with a man who isn't my husband. I know I need to live my own life, but when is it right to live with someone and when should you decide to get married?
Many couples believe that co-habitation is a step to understanding if a committed relationship will work. The truth is that the next step in the relationship is marriage. A couple that chooses to live together is still testing the waters and is still in the pre-commitment stage of the relationship. Most couples who live together before marriage, end up divorced, because they bring the pre-commitment values into the marriage. Another issue with living together is that you may fall into what is called a "mini marriage." In this type of marriage you are living together, but you believe that if something isn't working you can just walk away. When you are in a committed relationship, there are no exits, and any problems are either worked through or lived with.
Rebecca Brody is currently a Life Empowerment coach in New York City. Her area of expertise is in relationship coaching. She is a graduate of Vassar and Ipec, and has trained with the Relationship Coaching Institute. She is ICF certified, and has been studying social interaction, relationships and coupling for over a decade. To work with Coach Brody contact Brody@theluvcoach.com, or go to www.theluvcoach.com
Comments: (49)
Add a comment
By: Kryssi on 10/31/2008 1:12PM
Cohabitation has become so popular, til all of the morals have been ruled out. Newsflash.....if you're good enough to "lay up" with, you should be good enough to stand up with (at the alter). I understand that not all men are engaging in this from a negative perspective,but because a good many of them do, it's gained a negative stereotype in communities, and has gained a lot of observation from scientific point of views.
I know it may sound a lil ol' school, but listen to mama and grandma when they preach about "shackin' up" most of the time whether we want to face it or not, it's the truth.
We as ladies should not fall back on our standards or morals to gain the satisfaction of a man, because if he really cares, he'll respect your individual wishes from a positive aspect and continue on with the relationship. Show him that backbone honey, and stand up for what you believe in. If he leaves, it wasn't meant to be anyway. Sometimes God takes us through the bad in life to get us to the good! Trust me...you'll appreciate it!
Reply to this Comment | Report This
By: Kryssi on 10/31/2008 1:33PM
Ladies show these men those backbones, and use em' to hold u up! Don't go against your morals, or lower your standards for the approval of no man! What's wrong is wrong, regardless of how you phrase it or what you say to justify it. Sin doesn't always seem bad to us, but does that change God's view of it?
If you're good enough to "lay up" with, then you're good enough to "stand up" with (at the alter)
I denied my boyfriend of 3 years when he asked me to live with him a year ago, and i'm proud to say, we're still together!
If he respects you, he'll respect your wishes. Don't try to hold on to somethin' that's not meant to be. Sometimes God takes us through the bad to get us to the good. Patience is a virtue, just wait, and the good will follow!
Reply to this Comment | Report This
By: trusting soul on 11/01/2008 11:01PM
I am split between the two forces..I did not live with my husband and after 3.5 years of marriage he told me he was moving out, which he did right into the arms of a married woman with 4 children. Maybe had we lived together I might have seen that he was only about hisself and his needs and when he felt he did not get them, he moved on to the next woman.. I believe in marriage so I am torn now between living together and waiting til you are married
Reply to this Comment | Report This
By: jones on 11/03/2008 9:23AM
My brother is currently living with his girlfriend. And I think it's a bad idea. I lived with my husband prior to marriage and it was a bad idea. In short, it's always a bad idea...as Madeas brother Joe would say, "DON'T DO IT"!!!!!!! :)
Reply to this Comment | Report This
By: Robert Shank jr. on 11/03/2008 9:28AM
Well see for me as a man of many toughts that go in and out my mind about this,I was married two time ok once at the age of 39 for 12 years and the other for 2 years on two kids from the first,My Q. is I'm 56 years old now I just meet my new soulmate were not living together yet,she as her own home now,me just move from south to with with my mother for the time,over a year ago,as our retaltionship grows she's 49 years her oldest son is moving soon,and she will be alone by her self,We talk alot about your selfs we date very well,but I have new her for a short time,and hopfuly we live together soon,we both divore two time already,what do you think,that some where down the road and this is what we want to do some day and some day soon we hope,we both are older 56 and 49!not just to say to get me out my mother's house with my two brother who been here for a long time ,that a another story to tell some day,I'm open for A.we both need each other,one we are older,two we are hitting it off great,three we are loving to each other in many ways and so one!
Reply to this Comment | Report This
By: Caramel on 11/10/2008 6:45PM
I understand all of the comments about not living together. I too come from a very religious background. I was married to my ex for 8 years and we didn't live together until we got married. I am now living with my boyfriend of two years. We moved in together a year after we met. I agree that marriage is important, but more important is the committment that is made between the two. I have more now than I ever had with my ex. I am confident we will marry one day, but this experience has made me so much more confident in my relationship because all I have is trust....trust that he means what he says and that's that he loves me. I want him to choose to take that step with me not out of pressure from me like I did my ex. I do get nervous about the thought of him leaving, but that's life...a divorce later I realize even marriage doesn't guarantee forever.
Reply to this Comment | Report This
By: Patricia on 11/21/2008 6:41AM
I think that you should give it some time. Allow the relationship to develop and get to know each other. Time will let you know if you are truly in love.
Reply to this Comment | Report This
By: marilyn diop on 11/24/2008 2:02PM
From a religious point of veiw marriage is the way to go not living together. from a personal view, i will not do living together again. i feel like it leaves to many emtional gaps. one one hand i am supposed to be faithful and play the wifey game on the other hand i don't have to do nothing except be true to myself because legally i am free.
i like simple relationships he has his place, i have mine we can hang out have a good time and then go home
to our own places.
Reply to this Comment | Report This
By: Mario on 12/01/2008 9:36PM
If you want to get married, marry before a witness but signing a marriage license is a contract between you and the state, NOT between the partners. Marriage is abused in favor of women when there are difficulties in the marriage. My advice is to make sure you choose the right spiritual partner, not just settle for a body.
Reply to this Comment | Report This