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I've been having these really intense sexual fantasies, and when I share them with my boyfriend, he gets very excited and wants to try them. I want to experiment, but I'm scared that I will see him or he will see me in a very different light, and we might not like who we become. Should I keep my fantasies as just that, fantasies, or try them out in real life?
There is always room for sexual experimentation in a healthy relationship, so when the opportunity arrises to experience new forms of pleasure, you should feel free to explore. The key to healthy sexual exploration lies in establishing trust between both partners, and providing a safe, non judgmental space in which to connect. Begin by first sharing both of your fantasies with each other, this way you meet each other half way. Ask him which one of your fantasies he is comfortable trying out, and let him know which one of his fantasies you would like to try. Before you begin, pick a random safe word that you both agree on. This word will be used in the place of "stop". If at any point either of you want to stop the fantasy, use this safe word. Sexual fantasies and exploration can help you to connect and bring you closer together if they are done in a safe and healthy forum.
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I secretly fantasize about having a threesome with another man. Should I share this information with my husband, or do our marriage vows mean sex can only be between the two of us?
Marriage vows are sacred, therefore choosing to bring another partner into the marriage bed can be exhilarating for some couples and disastrous for others. Before you decide to tell your husband you want to bring another man into the relationship, you might want to start by sharing this fantasy with him, and letting him know it is just a fantasy. His response to your fantasy will let you know if he is comfortable with the idea of having another man touch his wife. The other thing you need to be aware of is whether you are ready to bring a woman into your marriage bed. How comfortable are you with sharing your husband with another woman? Sexual fantasies are natural, but before you open the doors to your bedroom, make sure to set rules and boundaries that will maintain the trust in your marriage and allow the bond between husband and wife to remain intact.
Comments: (47)
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By: Cheryl White on 10/26/2008 2:09PM
Marriage is the bonding of two souls who choose to become one, exclusive of others. Perhaps you could step it up a notch w/your husband and be creative w/him. Role playing is always fun, include toys and not another person, because as some stated earlier, what if this other man is better sexually than your spouse or more well endowed, or you become more aroused by the other man than your spouse; and what if your spouse request another woman and he enjoys her more and before you know it, a threesome becomes your normal sex routine, then the intimacy you once had with your husband is now lost. Don't risk it.
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By: Reece on 10/27/2008 1:16AM
Real Advice:
Look, lets keep it real. I am not an expert on this topic, but I know a lot about people. I am a social polymath.
Anyway, all human beings have fantasies. It is what makes us human, and continue to desire sex, and therefore reproduce. However, we have to be careful in a marriage. A marriage is about suppressing those feeling for the mate that you chose to be with. That's apart of the sacrifice of marriage. A healthy marriage is about sacrifices your physical desires for the emotional well-being of your partner. The desire to have sex with other people will continue, its apart of our nature. There int a man in the world who doesn't want the experience of being with a new woman;however, those that love their wives chose to suppress those feelings and stay faithful to there wives. My questions to you is are you in love with sex or with your spouse.
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By: elder DURR on 10/28/2008 2:44PM
With all the excitement, No one has commented on, While you are breaking your wedding vows, GOD is taking note of this breach and lack of respect for His Instution of the union of one man and His wife.
You need to remember that there is a price to be paid. Because adultry is a punishable sin. No matter how it is commited. Just because GOD doesn"t pusish you on the spot. does noe mean that he is letting you go free.
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By: des9er on 10/29/2008 3:31PM
Should I share this information with my husband, or do our marriage vows mean sex can only be between the two of us?
Discuss it with him so communication is open about what you are feeling. Yes, your marriage vows mean sex is only between the two of you. I understand that not all people will agree but if you are Christian people and recited your vows before GOD then you need to treat your marriage as so. I do encourage you to try alternatives to having a healthy, satisfying sex life the way God intended.
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By: babybee on 11/02/2008 10:03AM
I think that fantasies are healthy and sometimes essential. I have had a few very bad sexual experiences and being intimate is very hard for me. Sometimes creating a fantasy makes it easier for me to engage in it. It feels safer for me bc intimacy has been so unsafe in the past. I want to be intimate w/ him, but it takes me a long time to really get into it, the fantasies help me w/that. I haven't told him about the fantasies yet bc I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I also don't want to deny him my love and intimacy. He knows about my past history and he's been very good about it. In time I hope that I can share this with him and have him understand.
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By: mangofern6 on 11/03/2008 1:45AM
fantaszie is just that don't let your imagination cause you to lose touch with reality soul ties develope between people you could lose everything that has worth for some temporary pleasure what you are saying he is not fulfilling you and you are getting him some help think about that.
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By: brownsugar on 11/09/2008 7:03PM
I say do not do it I started it and every time that me and my significant other have sex that is what he wantsto talk about we know this person and i am beginning to think that they are having an affair, we did not do anything together we only talked about it but i did not expect it to be talked about all the time. I no longer trust him, we broke up.
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