Luv Coach Q&A: Raising His Kids!

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half and we're having some problems. First his problem with me is that I tend to argue with him when he comes to me with a problem instead of hearing him out. Second, I feel that he doesn't appreciate the good things that I do for him and his kids. We recently had a big argument about the two and were separated for a short time. We were thinking about starting over like when we first met...What do you suggest we do?

The College Survival Guide

A Fridge
Regardless of whether you have a wonderful sized meal plan, your fridge may come in handy with leftovers or when you feel like stocking it with bottled drinks.

Computer
The convenience of a computer is essential when sending your kids off to college. Forget the hike to the computer lab across campus students need a computer in the comfort of their room. A printer comes in handy as well. Depending on whether your child plans to carry his laptop around campus, you might opt for a desk top since they're lighter on the pockets.

Snacks
You will surely survive with off of a meal plan but it doesn't hurt to stock up on snacks when you don't feel like leaving your dorm room. Bottled water, pop corn, cereal and Ramen noodles are all low budget snacks to stock up on. Just be weary of the freshman 15.

Things from home
Some college students suffer from homesickness the first year. It's best to surround yourself with things like photos of the family, pillows or even stuffed animals. Anything that reminds your child of home.

MP3 Player
With all the stress that comes from school and exams, sometimes it's nice to block out the chaos in your life and even your roommate with music. It's nearly impossible to find students walking to class who aren't jamming to tunes.

Budget
Students who enter college often come in at the ripening age of 18. A great time for credit cards. Parents beware, your child may end up ruining their credit at a young age

Alarm Clock
When you're in college you don't have the luxury of getting awaken by your parents. It's now your responsibility to get to class on time so alarm clocks are a must. But keep your roommate in mind. You shouldn't wake him up ever morning with a blow horn alarm.

Cleaning supplies
Now you don't necessarily need to bring in the rubber gloves, mop and gas mask but it doesn't hurt to bring along Clorox all purpose wipes for spills or dust. Vacuums and brooms come in handy too depending if you have a carpeted dorm.

Bedding
What most parents aren't aware of is that most college beds are twin sized but extra long and require special sheets. When shopping keep your eye open for sheets that clearly state 'extra long' or else your child may come up short.

Shower shoes
You really don't know what some people do in the shower these days. College showers are known to be creeping with germs so spare yourself the fungus and purchase flip flops for the shower. You'll thank us later!

Every relationship will incur its ups and downs, and how you choose to handle those highs and lows will define weather you and your relationship can grow in a healthy direction. Starting over as if you are both meeting for the first time will not solve your current issue, because the work that needs to be done to address the issue has not been resolved. Instead of starting the relationship over, you should start the discussion over again. This time, though, think carefully about the best way for you to deal with an issue when he brings a problem to you. I want you to work on listening to what your partner has to say and repeating back to him exactly what he said. Let him know that you hear what he is saying. After you have listened and truly taken in his problem, I want you to take 24 hours to process it. That means you can not answer him or discuss it with him for one day. As for feeling unappreciated, let your partner know that you need him to tell you just how great you are as a stepmother and partner. Communicating your needs is necessary in every relationship, and the more you do it, the happier and more fulfilled you will be.

I have a serious problem. I am very much in love with my husband and because I wanted to be the best wife I could be I agreed to petitioning for his two sons that are 9 years of age to come and live with us. It's only been a few months, and I don't like this situation. I really feel like there is no way I can bear this for more than a year including the few months they have already been here. I have a four year old daughter with my husband and I have a baby boy on the way, due in January. I hate this situation with a passion. My husband was never really with them and I feel like he acts as if he owes them and is trying to make up for lost time. He acts like he doesn't care if they live here with us for years. I am only 27 and I feel uncomfortable, I don't feel like my home is home any more. I regret agreeing to this and I feel as if I have harmed myself and our marriage by doing this. I really want them out, because this isn't going to work. I have no outside children. Please tell me what should I say or do? If they aren't gone by a certain time I'll probably move out of our home, which isn't mine any more anyway.

When we choose to bring children into the world, they are our responsibility. Just as you would not abandon your own children, your husband, whom you probably married because he is a great man who accepts his responsibilities, cannot abandon his two sons. I understand that the dynamic has changed in your household and it is not easy raising three children with a fourth on the way. It sounds as if you are totally overwhelmed, and it's time to get some help. Before you decide to run for the hills, sit your husband down and let him know that you need help raising these children. First, he needs to set some boundaries for his boys, and let them know that you are their stepmother and they have to listen to and do what you say. Think about exactly what is bothering you with having his two boys in your house and let your husband know so that you two can figure out the best way to resolve it. This is a time of transition for you and your family, and it is going to take both parents working as a team to make this transition as successful as possible.

Rebecca Brody is currently a Life Empowerment coach in New York City. Her area of expertise is in relationship coaching. She is a graduate of Vassar and Ipec, and has trained with the Relationship Coaching Institute. She is ICF certified, and has been studying social interaction, relationships and coupling for over a decade. To work with Coach Brody contact Brody@theluvcoach.com, or go to www.theluvcoach.com