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I was dating a younger man, and he was very nice at the time, like most men are when things are good. Long story short, I ended up getting pregnant with a child he didn't want. It was truly a nightmare from the moment I said "I am having a baby." What a change this turned out to be. I spent most of my life wanting a baby, but I didn't think it would come this way or with this man. They always said "Don't play unless you plan to stay!" We had a huge falling out over this pregnancy and he never got to see his son until recently. I have let him back in my life and now I feel he is playing with my feelings just to find out about his son, whom he didn't want. I feel in my heart he is seeing someone else, but I need help in proving this point to myself, because there is still love in my heart for him. I truly do love him, but the trust isn't there. What can I do?
Trust takes time to rebuild in any relationship, and you are now not only responsible for your own well-being, but the safety and security of your son. If your ex wants to be a part of your son's life, you need to first set some ground rules. The role of father is not a part-time position that he can walk away from at any time. If he chooses to be in your son's life, then let him know that he must make a commitment to be in it for the rest of his life. Let him know that you support his role as father if that is the one he chooses to play, but that once he accepts that role there is no turning around and changing his mind. You must protect your son and make the best decisions for him. As for your relationship with your ex, you do not know what his real intentions are with you, therefore you need to step back and carefully watch his actions. Does what he says coincide with what he does? Is he walking the talk? Does he put you and your son's happiness and needs above his own? Listen with your ears and your eyes and trust your judgement. You also want to question if this is the man who can truly fulfill your needs, wants, desires and requirements or is it just the nagging feeling of neediness that is rekindling this desire for him.
The College Survival Guide
A Fridge
Regardless of whether you have a wonderful sized meal plan, your fridge may come in handy with leftovers or when you feel like stocking it with bottled drinks.
Computer
The convenience of a computer is essential when sending your kids off to college. Forget the hike to the computer lab across campus students need a computer in the comfort of their room. A printer comes in handy as well. Depending on whether your child plans to carry his laptop around campus, you might opt for a desk top since they're lighter on the pockets.
Snacks
You will surely survive with off of a meal plan but it doesn't hurt to stock up on snacks when you don't feel like leaving your dorm room. Bottled water, pop corn, cereal and Ramen noodles are all low budget snacks to stock up on. Just be weary of the freshman 15.
Things from home
Some college students suffer from homesickness the first year. It's best to surround yourself with things like photos of the family, pillows or even stuffed animals. Anything that reminds your child of home.
MP3 Player
With all the stress that comes from school and exams, sometimes it's nice to block out the chaos in your life and even your roommate with music. It's nearly impossible to find students walking to class who aren't jamming to tunes.
Budget
Students who enter college often come in at the ripening age of 18. A great time for credit cards. Parents beware, your child may end up ruining their credit at a young age
Alarm Clock
When you're in college you don't have the luxury of getting awaken by your parents. It's now your responsibility to get to class on time so alarm clocks are a must. But keep your roommate in mind. You shouldn't wake him up ever morning with a blow horn alarm.
Cleaning supplies
Now you don't necessarily need to bring in the rubber gloves, mop and gas mask but it doesn't hurt to bring along Clorox all purpose wipes for spills or dust. Vacuums and brooms come in handy too depending if you have a carpeted dorm.
Bedding
What most parents aren't aware of is that most college beds are twin sized but extra long and require special sheets. When shopping keep your eye open for sheets that clearly state 'extra long' or else your child may come up short.
Shower shoes
You really don't know what some people do in the shower these days. College showers are known to be creeping with germs so spare yourself the fungus and purchase flip flops for the shower. You'll thank us later!
I am 19 and I just found out I am pregnant. I am a sophomore in college, and I don't feel that I am ready to be a parent. My parents don't know, and I don't want to tell them. They don't believe in abortion. My boyfriend doesn't want to have a kid either, and we both feel like we have our whole lives ahead of us. What should I do?
You are legally an adult, so the choice is in your hands as to what you can do. There are several choices you can make but each one begins by telling your family the truth and having an open discussion about the options that are available to you. Let them know that in the end, you will be the one to make the choice that is best for you. You should reach out to a counselor at school or at Planned Parenthood. They can help you go over your choices and what each choice will mean for your future. Three choices that are available to you are to have the baby and raise it yourself; have the baby and put it up for adoption; or to have an abortion. Take the time to go over each choice and imagine what your life and future will be like if you go down that road. This is a very important decision and you want to know all your options before making the choice that will be best for you.
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By: C.G. on 10/07/2008 10:38PM
Everyone is talking about the mother getting an education in the above comments, which is great but what about the unborn child? Doesn' he or she have teh same rights to a future as the mother. N o one is considering the fact that this fetus is a living human being with feeling even at this early stage of life. If everyone was aborted that had been a surprise to their parents, there probalby wouldn't be very many of us here. The child has rights to a life as soon as conception takes place and should be considered as well as the parents. The mother should think very hard before making such a decision because even though it is her choice to abort or keep the child, abortion is still murder just the same as if she pulled a trigger on her own mother. Murder is murder. If the mother does not view her unborn child as a valuable gift from God then what will ever truly hold value to her? God does not make mistakes and every child that he places in a womb has a very significant place on this earth. A child should be a woman's greatest pleasure and sometimes pain but is worth every hardship, tear, and pain and will bring her the greatest joys that the world has to offer as well. Before aborting, think about how it could feel when that child hugs you so tight and says "Ilove you, Mommy", and then think about how often you will wonder how that would have felt if you decide to terminate that child's life. Terminating a pregnancy is the same as when a mother murders her young child, or a father kills his teenage son, or a parent kills their grown child. If you do not want this baby and are not willing to live with murder on you soul for the rest of you life, I urge you to consider adoption for your child because there are so many childless couples who pray each day for a child to love. YOu can even be involved in choosing the adoptive parents for you child if you wish. You do not have to go through some adoption agency that is cold and unfeeling. YOu can make sure personally that you child will be loved and well cared far. Please consider all options before choosing to end the life of your child.
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By: Heidi on 10/09/2008 2:04PM
I am just wondering when someone says they work 3 jobs, how in the world are their children raised? Do they get shoved into an overcrowded sub-par Day Care?
(some are wonderful but many are mere caretakers and some even have deaths at their Day Care or hire pedophiles)
Or do the Grandparents get the job of raising the child/ren?
It is not easy raising a child. A child makes a career look easy. Because a child has a lot of needs to prepare her or him for independence.
Very few children are 'Best Friends' with their parents. I'm not even sure children are to be Best Friends. Many people need a Best Friend, you don't have to create another life to find that Best Friend you never had. (often the child doesn't like his/her parents anyway- sometimes even strongly dislike)
A parent who keeps bailing kid out of jail or supports them while they are 'temporarily' out of a job or they have gotten 2 other girls pregnant a la Maury Povich ... that is not a best friend. That is a child who has been raised to have no inner conscience and will be at the teat of Mom and Dad as long as you allow it and don't allow them to take responsibility for themselves.
I see little difference if a woman has a spontaneous abortion (miscarriage) and if it is moral to have a pregnancy terminated due to rape or incest it is just as moral to terminate a pregnancy if that is your circumstances.
We really need to start taking care of the children that are already dying in droves before telling someone how they should be forced to continue an UNWANTED pregnancy.
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By: Heidi on 10/09/2008 2:23PM
With all due respect, this seems to be turning into an evangelical Christian preaching and laying on guilt forum.
WOMEN make their own choices as their circumstances allow. WOMEN have the legal and in most churches MORAL right to choose abortion.
Heidi
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By: Bobbie on 10/16/2008 4:26PM
I feel bad for the kid JoJo wrote baout, his birth mother wanted nothing to do with him. I bet he will never forgive his birth mother, she should have kept him if the circunstanses permitted it at all, another life in ruins due to giving your baby up for adoption, how sad it that?????????????? Pro choice all the way...........
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By: Toria on 12/12/2008 10:58AM
I am sick and tired of women getting pregnant and either having an abortion or putting the child up for adoption. If you're having sex and get pregnant, YOU should have that child and raise it. Period. I'm in my 40s and have never wanted children. And you know what? I've never gotten pregnant. That's because I've always practiced birth control. It works. Only lazy, trifling, ignorant women get pregnant when they don't want to. Don't do the crime if you can't do the time. If you make your bed, you should be woman enough to lay in it regardless of the difficulties. How dare you kill an innocent child and think it's okay? Or, give away your own flesh and blood like it's a puppy. There are some truly stupid women in this world. If you don't want kids, practice birth control. Or, don't have sex. Period.
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By: Pooh Bear on 4/02/2009 3:14PM
well im not tryna make you change what ever plans you have when comes down to your child, but i want to say a few things. I am 17 yeras old. I have a 3 month old little boy. Right now i am in school, working,and ave my own place. I take dam good well of my son. My mother put me out when I told her i was having sex,but she brought me back in. But then she put me back out when she found out I was pregnant,which was a year ago. Im doin it on my own. I really didnt want any kids at diz age but i layed up and had sex, so its my responsibility to lay up and have my son and you can garuntee he's the best thang that has ever happened 2 me.
my babys father didnt want a child so he broke up wit me when he found out i was keepin it.Your mother may be mad but your her baby and she will eventually learn to except the fact that her baby is having a baby. Right now im at school and my mother has my son and she loves him also. Well all im sayin is it was your responsibility to not use a condom now its responsibility to take care of the consequences...please dont give up or kill your baby!!!!
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