Luv Coach Q&A: I am pregnant!

I was dating a younger man, and he was very nice at the time, like most men are when things are good. Long story short, I ended up getting pregnant with a child he didn't want. It was truly a nightmare from the moment I said "I am having a baby." What a change this turned out to be. I spent most of my life wanting a baby, but I didn't think it would come this way or with this man. They always said "Don't play unless you plan to stay!" We had a huge falling out over this pregnancy and he never got to see his son until recently. I have let him back in my life and now I feel he is playing with my feelings just to find out about his son, whom he didn't want. I feel in my heart he is seeing someone else, but I need help in proving this point to myself, because there is still love in my heart for him. I truly do love him, but the trust isn't there. What can I do?

Trust takes time to rebuild in any relationship, and you are now not only responsible for your own well-being, but the safety and security of your son. If your ex wants to be a part of your son's life, you need to first set some ground rules. The role of father is not a part-time position that he can walk away from at any time. If he chooses to be in your son's life, then let him know that he must make a commitment to be in it for the rest of his life. Let him know that you support his role as father if that is the one he chooses to play, but that once he accepts that role there is no turning around and changing his mind. You must protect your son and make the best decisions for him. As for your relationship with your ex, you do not know what his real intentions are with you, therefore you need to step back and carefully watch his actions. Does what he says coincide with what he does? Is he walking the talk? Does he put you and your son's happiness and needs above his own? Listen with your ears and your eyes and trust your judgement. You also want to question if this is the man who can truly fulfill your needs, wants, desires and requirements or is it just the nagging feeling of neediness that is rekindling this desire for him.

The College Survival Guide

A Fridge
Regardless of whether you have a wonderful sized meal plan, your fridge may come in handy with leftovers or when you feel like stocking it with bottled drinks.

Computer
The convenience of a computer is essential when sending your kids off to college. Forget the hike to the computer lab across campus students need a computer in the comfort of their room. A printer comes in handy as well. Depending on whether your child plans to carry his laptop around campus, you might opt for a desk top since they're lighter on the pockets.

Snacks
You will surely survive with off of a meal plan but it doesn't hurt to stock up on snacks when you don't feel like leaving your dorm room. Bottled water, pop corn, cereal and Ramen noodles are all low budget snacks to stock up on. Just be weary of the freshman 15.

Things from home
Some college students suffer from homesickness the first year. It's best to surround yourself with things like photos of the family, pillows or even stuffed animals. Anything that reminds your child of home.

MP3 Player
With all the stress that comes from school and exams, sometimes it's nice to block out the chaos in your life and even your roommate with music. It's nearly impossible to find students walking to class who aren't jamming to tunes.

Budget
Students who enter college often come in at the ripening age of 18. A great time for credit cards. Parents beware, your child may end up ruining their credit at a young age

Alarm Clock
When you're in college you don't have the luxury of getting awaken by your parents. It's now your responsibility to get to class on time so alarm clocks are a must. But keep your roommate in mind. You shouldn't wake him up ever morning with a blow horn alarm.

Cleaning supplies
Now you don't necessarily need to bring in the rubber gloves, mop and gas mask but it doesn't hurt to bring along Clorox all purpose wipes for spills or dust. Vacuums and brooms come in handy too depending if you have a carpeted dorm.

Bedding
What most parents aren't aware of is that most college beds are twin sized but extra long and require special sheets. When shopping keep your eye open for sheets that clearly state 'extra long' or else your child may come up short.

Shower shoes
You really don't know what some people do in the shower these days. College showers are known to be creeping with germs so spare yourself the fungus and purchase flip flops for the shower. You'll thank us later!

I am 19 and I just found out I am pregnant. I am a sophomore in college, and I don't feel that I am ready to be a parent. My parents don't know, and I don't want to tell them. They don't believe in abortion. My boyfriend doesn't want to have a kid either, and we both feel like we have our whole lives ahead of us. What should I do?

You are legally an adult, so the choice is in your hands as to what you can do. There are several choices you can make but each one begins by telling your family the truth and having an open discussion about the options that are available to you. Let them know that in the end, you will be the one to make the choice that is best for you. You should reach out to a counselor at school or at Planned Parenthood. They can help you go over your choices and what each choice will mean for your future. Three choices that are available to you are to have the baby and raise it yourself; have the baby and put it up for adoption; or to have an abortion. Take the time to go over each choice and imagine what your life and future will be like if you go down that road. This is a very important decision and you want to know all your options before making the choice that will be best for you.