Luv Coach Q&A: Interfaith Relationships

My boyfriend is Jewish and I am Catholic, and we have been dating for two years. We have discussed plans for future events like friends weddings and holiday plans, but never talked about marriage. I know that he wants to have children and I do as well. We recently went to his families home for dinner and his mother took me aside and let me know in no uncertain terms that I am a "Goya" and her son would never marry outside of his faith, because it would bring shame on his family. She even went so far as to tell me to break up with him, and that I am wasting my time. He has never said that religion is an issue, and I am not sure what to do, now that I know his mother disapproves of our relationship.

The College Survival Guide

A Fridge
Regardless of whether you have a wonderful sized meal plan, your fridge may come in handy with leftovers or when you feel like stocking it with bottled drinks.

Computer
The convenience of a computer is essential when sending your kids off to college. Forget the hike to the computer lab across campus students need a computer in the comfort of their room. A printer comes in handy as well. Depending on whether your child plans to carry his laptop around campus, you might opt for a desk top since they're lighter on the pockets.

Snacks
You will surely survive with off of a meal plan but it doesn't hurt to stock up on snacks when you don't feel like leaving your dorm room. Bottled water, pop corn, cereal and Ramen noodles are all low budget snacks to stock up on. Just be weary of the freshman 15.

Things from home
Some college students suffer from homesickness the first year. It's best to surround yourself with things like photos of the family, pillows or even stuffed animals. Anything that reminds your child of home.

MP3 Player
With all the stress that comes from school and exams, sometimes it's nice to block out the chaos in your life and even your roommate with music. It's nearly impossible to find students walking to class who aren't jamming to tunes.

Budget
Students who enter college often come in at the ripening age of 18. A great time for credit cards. Parents beware, your child may end up ruining their credit at a young age

Alarm Clock
When you're in college you don't have the luxury of getting awaken by your parents. It's now your responsibility to get to class on time so alarm clocks are a must. But keep your roommate in mind. You shouldn't wake him up ever morning with a blow horn alarm.

Cleaning supplies
Now you don't necessarily need to bring in the rubber gloves, mop and gas mask but it doesn't hurt to bring along Clorox all purpose wipes for spills or dust. Vacuums and brooms come in handy too depending if you have a carpeted dorm.

Bedding
What most parents aren't aware of is that most college beds are twin sized but extra long and require special sheets. When shopping keep your eye open for sheets that clearly state 'extra long' or else your child may come up short.

Shower shoes
You really don't know what some people do in the shower these days. College showers are known to be creeping with germs so spare yourself the fungus and purchase flip flops for the shower. You'll thank us later!

It's time to have a frank discussion with your boyfriend about marriage and religion. You need to find out exactly what his views are on marrying outside of his religion, and whether marriage is on the table for the two of you. You also need to let him know that his mother considers your difference in religion to be an issue, and ask how that affects his decision to be in a relationship with you. If he is serious about making a commitment to you, and also wants to keep his family happy, he may ask you to convert to Judaism. Take the time now to find out if you two are on the same page in terms of your future, and be ready to make clear decisions about your religious belief, and how you might raise children. This is a very important step in your relationship, and you want to be ready for what ever choice you both make together.

I have been married for about 8 months to a man who I love dearly. We met online and dated for about two years before we were wed. We agree on practically everything -- from values, to money, to the same sense of humor (sarcastic). My husband is Muslim, however, and I was raised Baptist ( I attend church a few times per month). We don't have children yet, but I would like to know how I should approach talking to him about how we should celebrate Christian holidays (Easter, Christmas) that he doesn't believe in and the same for me (Ramadan, no pork, etc.)

This discussion should have taken place long before you walked down the aisle, so this exercise may surprise you with what you didn't know about your husband. This is also an opportunity for the two of you to grow and create the tools that will help you to deepen your relationship throughout the course of your life. Take an evening together and let your husband know that you would like to discuss children and how you two should raise them. Tell him that you respect both of your religions and you want to find a way to incorporate them both into the raising of your children. I want you to get two pieces of paper and two pens, one for you and one for your husband. Make two columns, and at the top of each paper write "Holiday" on the left and "Value" on the right. On your paper, make a list of the Baptist holidays on the left, and write down the value and learning that comes from celebrating that holiday on the right. Ask your husband to take his paper and write down the Muslim holidays on the left and the values and teachings of those holidays on the right. Now fold the papers down the middle so that you have the "Value" on the front and "Holiday" on the back. Exchange papers, but make sure the "Value" side is facing up so that neither one of you can see the holiday. Go over each of the values and circle the ones you want to instill in your children. Now unfold the paper and read out loud the holidays from each religion that correspond with the values that have been circled. Allow him to share with you the teachings and values of Islam, and you can share the teachings and values of the Baptist church. At the end of the day it is about the values you instill and the lessons you teach your children so that they grow up to be amazing human beings.