Luv Coach Q&A: Family Getting In the Way of Love

What do you do when your wife picks her family over her husband? We have been separated for 9 months and we still want to see each other, but she stated that if we get back together, her family will disown her. What should I do?

As an adult you are faced with choices, and it is up to you to decide what the best choice for your life will be. Your wife is struggling with this decision, because she is still playing the role of child with her family, and she needs to step up and let them know that as an adult, she can make her own decisions. Encourage her to define who she is as a grown woman. Ask her to explore what a husband means to her. When you marry someone, you are asking them to become part of your family. She should sit her family down and tell them her choice, and explain why she has chosen to get back together with you. Have her confirm that she knows they will understand and accept her decision because just like them, you too are family.

My husband and I have been together for 19 years & married for 10. When we started out we were the best of friends. I noticed that the relationship changed drastically after the birth of our two daughters. We stopped going out and doing much of anything. He was diagnosed with Diabetes & Hypertension, and sex began to be an issue. The effects of taking insulin over a period of time caused him to suffer from erectile dysfunction. This is where the real problems surfaced. Trust walked out the door, constant accusing of cheating, minimal conversation, and everyday arguments. He believes that his way of thinking is the best & no one else's opinion matters. After 11 years of the same arguments & a few therapists later I'm not so sure it's worth trying to save.

You are in an emotionally challenging time in your life, caused by multiple issues. In order to approach this situation in a healthy way, you must first understand and accept that change is an inevitability of life. Everything changes, and even though you do not have control over change, you do have control over how you respond to change, and how you allow it to affect your life. Your partner is struggling with his role as husband, because he has a specific idea of what that role entails, and this idea was created at the start of your relationship. Now that he has experienced certain challenges, he is frustrated and is having difficulty accepting the way in which he must perform his role as husband. Take the time to sit down and define what it means for him to be a husband to you, and share it with him. As for the sexual aspect of the relationship, his upset stems from the belief that if he isn't pleasing you, then you must be getting pleasure from some one else. You can change his perception of this by asking him to pleasure you sexually in ways that do not require intercourse. Kissing, stroking, massaging, biting, and licking are all ways of increasing intimacy, and reconnecting with your partner. He needs to feel that he is fulfilling his role and duty as a husband, and you can help him by clearly defining what you need from him, and acknowledging and thanking him when he fulfills those needs.

The Hollywood Express Marriage

10.) Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra

In all honestly, Dennis Rodman getting married to anyone would have been a shocker but for these two to have found each other oddly enough seemed like a perfect match, given their marriage history (Prince and Madonna). These two are VH1 reality shows just waiting to happen.

9.) Halle Berry and Eric Benet

On the surface, this relationship of two beautiful people seemed too perfect... and it was. The couple, who were married in 2001, separated in 2003, due to... irreconcilable differences. Under the surface though, the rumors abounded that Benet was a rabid sex addict and the cat quickly got out the bag. Today, Halle's got her baby and her new beau and as for Eric... well he's still walking around barefoot.

8.) Treach and Pepa (Salt-N-Pepa)

Although the two have them had been linked for years, they never made it official until 1999. Of course just two years later, the pair broke it off, but managed to produce a daughter, Egypt, in their time together. Treach would go on to do some acting as well as a few "adult" films, while Pepa would go on to reunite with Salt and Spinderella, only to be constantly yelled at by Salt on their very own reality show. All's well that ends well.

7.) Jennifer Lopez and Chris Judd

Unfairly sandwiched between P. Diddy and Ben Affleck, former back-up dancer, Chris Judd had the distinct honor of being one of J.Lo's many love interests for all of a millisecond. Predictably, the marriage lasted less than a year,effectively ending in June 2002, around the same time J.Lo was seen hugging up with half of the soon-to-be ill-fated "Benifer," Ben Affleck.

6.) Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds

This marriage was a wrap before it even had legs. The couple, who were faux-married on the New Year's day in Bora Bora, ended up splitting on the 16th of January. Lucky for them, it wasn't official or that divorce would have been something else. On the bright side, Eddie can now put a little more time into paying Mel B. some of that child support with all his stacks from quality films like 'The Adventures of Pluto Nash.'

5.) Janet Jackson and James DeBarge

In one of the most brief and forgettable marriages ever, Janet Jackson covertly eloped with one of the many Debarge's in 1984 only to break it off a year later in 1985 due to his constant drug use. And to think, the world could have been blessed with a possible clan of singing/dancing Jackson-Debarge babies managed by the jovial Joe Jackson. Oh well...

4.) R. Kelly and Aaliyah

Before he was trapped in the closet and years before he beat those child molestation charges like they owed him money, R. Kelly was briefly married to a 15-year-old Aaliyah in 1994. It was later reported that Aaliyah lied about being 18 and the marriage was annulled shortly thereafter. Coincidentally, Kelly is also known as the pied piper... SUSPECT!!!

3.) Gary Coleman and Shannon Price

Former Diff'rent Strokes star Gary Coleman had long been remembered for either his catchphrase on the show or through the many antics/unfortunate circumstances which have affected him following the show. So when word came out in August 2007, that he wed 5-month girlfriend, Shannon Price, the reaction was not unexpected. What?!?! Who?!?!?! Well low and behold, a year later, this lovely couple soon found themselves in Divorce Court with Gary pretty much saying that he was still a virgin and that she wasn't giving up the goods. Truth is, this couple may not be separated, but those sparks better start flying or Gary's going to blow a fuse.

2.) Mike Tyson and Robin Givens

She played violin, went to acting school, and was once accepted into Harvard Medical School. "Iron" Mike on the other hand, grew up in the streets, became known as one of the most brutal boxers in history, and even gnawed a man's ear off. To say that this wasn't a marriage built to last is an understatement.

1.) Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley

Without a doubt, this had to be one of the most unexpected marriages in history. The king of pop, amidst his first child molestation ordeal, and the daughter of Elvis Presley were as mismatched as a square peg in a round hole. And if the marriage weren't enough, the two of them famously gave one of the most awkward and poorly acted kisses on stage at the 1994 MTV Music Awards, cementing yet another landmark in marvel that is Michael Jackson.