Luv Coach Q&A: Prenup Blues!

My fiancé and I have been together for four years and we are planning to wed in August. Last night he brought home a prenuptial agreement and asked me to sign it. This is the first I've heard of it, and I'm a little taken aback. I feel like it is an insurance policy to make sure that if it doesn't work out, he's safe. I'm completely committed to this marriage and I feel like with this prenuptial agreement he is not really committed to making this last forever. Should I sign it?

It is understandable that you would have these feelings towards signing a prenuptial agreement, especially since your fiancé never discussed it with you in the past. Marriage contracts and prenuptial agreements can take the romance out of your dream wedding if you don't approach them properly. Take the time to speak to your fiancé and let him know your thoughts, worries, and feelings about entering into a marriage with a contract that allows for a back door to be created. Make sure that you are both committed to marriage, and are entering into this union with the same intention of being partners for life. Don't let the business side of marriage dampen your love, but rather use it as a means to increase intimacy. If he still wants you to sign a prenuptial, you should be thoroughly aware of what it is, and what it says. "A prenuptial agreement is a contract entered into by two people prior to marriage or civil union. The content of a prenuptial agreement can vary widely, but commonly includes provisions for the division of property should the couple divorce and any rights to spousal support during or after the dissolution of marriage." A prenuptial agreement is meant to safeguard ones assets in the event that things do not work out, but it is also to make sure that you are well cared for after the fact. Have a lawyer look over the contract and make sure that you agree to all the terms. If there is anything that doesn't work for you, then let your partner know, and adjust the contract accordingly.

I only knew my Husband for 7 months and we decided to get married. (Keep in mind within those 7 months we only went out 3 times) Well anyhow, we started dating. The first two weeks we dated, the next two weeks we got engaged, the next two weeks we go and get married through the court house. We have had our ups and downs for two months. Last Saturday my husband and my cousin had to run to Mexico for a doctor's appointment for my cousin. Well long story short, My Husband gets wasted up there, gets thrown in jail, ponds his wedding ring "supposedly" to pay his beer tab off, lost his cell phone, shirt he was wearing, shoe laces, and social security card. I decided that enough is enough so I am divorcing him. He has held me hostage inside the house many of times, he is very, very jealous. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere with my friends, and he lies all the time. I suspect he did cheat on me in Mexico because I do know for sure they were at a Strip Bar. Please help me and let me know what you think about me going through with the divorce.

It sounds like you have made a string of poor decisions based on very little information and a total lack of conscious behavior. Marriage is a serious commitment and should never be rushed into without knowing who you are and who your partner is, what you both want, and where you are both going in life. It takes time to get to know someone and to decide if that person is not only right for you, but the person you believe is worthy of being your husband. Holding you hostage in your own home, controlling who you see and where you go, and lying are all signs of an abusive relationship. You have come to the right decision in choosing to divorce him, and I know you will find the strength within you to go through with it. Now is the time to call on friends and family for love and support as you work through this experience. I want to recommend that you hire a relationship coach or therapist to help you understand how you got into this situation in the first place and how to move forward so that you can make positive life choices in the future.

Next Luv Coach Q&A: Cold Feet or Cold Heart?

Rebecca Brody is currently a Life Empowerment coach in New York City. Her area of expertise is in relationship coaching. She is a graduate of Vassar and Ipec, and has trained with the Relationship Coaching Institute. She is ICF certified, and has been studying social interaction, relationships and coupling for over a decade. To work with Coach Brody contact Brody@theluvcoach.com, or go to www.theluvcoach.com

The Hollywood Express Marriage

10.) Halle Berry and Eric Benet

On the surface, this relationship of two beautiful people seemed too perfect... and it was. The couple, who were married in 2001, separated in 2003, due to... irreconcilable differences. Under the surface though, the rumors abounded that Benet was a rabid sex addict and the cat quickly got out the bag. Today, Halle's got her baby and her new beau and as for Eric... well he's still walking around barefoot.

9.) Treach and Pepa (Salt-N-Pepa)

Although the two have them had been linked for years, they never made it official until 1999. Of course just two years later, the pair broke it off, but managed to produce a daughter, Egypt, in their time together. Treach would go on to do some acting as well as a few "adult" films, while Pepa would go on to reunite with Salt and Spinderella, only to be constantly yelled at by Salt on their very own reality show. All's well that ends well.

8.) Jennifer Lopez and Chris Judd

Unfairly sandwiched between P. Diddy and Ben Affleck, former back-up dancer, Chris Judd had the distinct honor of being one of J.Lo's many love interests for all of a millisecond. Predictably, the marriage lasted less than a year,effectively ending in June 2002, around the same time J.Lo was seen hugging up with half of the soon-to-be ill-fated "Benifer," Ben Affleck.

7.) Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmunds

This marriage was a wrap before it even had legs. The couple, who were faux-married on the New Year's day in Bora Bora, ended up splitting on the 16th of January. Lucky for them, it wasn't official or that divorce would have been something else. On the bright side, Eddie can now put a little more time in paying Mel B. some of that child support with all his stacks from quality films like 'The Adventures of Pluto Nash.'

6.) Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra

In all honestly, Dennis Rodman getting married to anyone would have been a shocker but for these two to have found each other oddly enough seemed like a perfect match, given their marriage history (Prince and Madonna). These two are VH1 reality shows just waiting to happen.

5.) Janet Jackson and James DeBarge

In one of the most brief and forgettable marriages ever, Janet Jackson covertly eloped with one of the many Debarge's in 1984 only to break it off a year later in 1985 due to his constant drug use. And to think, the world could have been blessed with a possible clan of singing/dancing Jackson-Debarge babies managed by the jovial Joe Jackson. Oh well...

4.) R. Kelly and Aaliyah

Before he was trapped in the closet and years before he beat those child molestation charges like they owed him money, R. Kelly was briefly married to a 15-year-old Aaliyah in 1994. It was later reported that Aaliyah lied about being 18 and the marriage was annulled shortly thereafter. Coincidentally, Kelly is also known as the pied piper... SUSPECT!!!

3.) Gary Coleman and Shannon Price

Former Diff'rent Strokes star Gary Coleman had long been remembered for either his catchphrase on the show or through the many antics/unfortunate circumstances which have affected him following the show. So when word came out in August 2007, that he wed 5-month girlfriend, Shannon Price, the reaction was not unexpected. What?!?! Who?!?!?! Well low and behold, a year later, this lovely couple soon found themselves in Divorce Court with Gary pretty much saying that he was still a virgin and that she wasn't giving up the goods. Truth is, this couple may not be separated, but those sparks better start flying or Gary's going to blow a fuse.

2.) Mike Tyson and Robin Givens

She played violin, went to acting school, and was once accepted into Harvard Medical School. "Iron" Mike on the other hand, grew up in the streets, became known as one of the most brutal boxers in history, and even gnawed a man's ear off. To say that this wasn't a marriage built to last is an understatement.

1.) Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley

Without a doubt, this had to be one of the most unexpected marriages in history. The king of pop, amidst his first child molestation ordeal, and the daughter of Elvis Presley were as mismatched as a square peg in a round hole. And if the marriage weren't enough, the two of them famously gave one of the most awkward and poorly acted kisses on stage at the 1994 MTV Music Awards, cementing yet another landmark in marvel that is Michael Jackson.

Black Voices

Categories

Contributors

Other BV Blogs