My fiancé is planning a bachelor party in Las Vegas, and even though I trust him, I do not want him to go to a strip club. I think they are repulsive and degrading to women. His boys will probably push him into going there, and the thought of it is stressing me out. Help!
Bachelor parties are a common tradition, and they are a time for men to bond and celebrate moving into a new stage of life. It sounds like you are a woman with values and respect for yourself, and in order to carry that spirit into your marriage, you need to set down some boundaries. Have a candid and honest talk with your fiancé about setting respectful boundaries while on his trip. At this stage in the game you should be able to speak openly with your fiancé about any issues that may arise. Let him know what you think and how you feel about strip clubs, and suggest alternatives to this ritual (i.e. Sky Diving). He can always let his friends know that strip clubs are out, and with a million other fun things to do in Vegas, let him know that you're sure they can celebrate his bachelor party in style.
My husband and I have been married for six months, and recently I caught him in a lie. He said he had to stay at the office to work late, but a friend of mine called me and said she saw him at a bar. When he came home, I made a comment about the late hour, and he said "I work very hard!" Why would he lie to me? How should I confront him about it?
This is your opportunity to tend to the relationship garden before anymore weeds grow. It sounds like there is a communication break down here, and in order to fix that successfully you want to come from a place of love. Sit your husband down and let him know that you have something important to address. Start by telling him the positive things that you love about your relationship, and that you want to maintain that beautiful and healthy connection. Tell him you are concerned because you know that he wasn't at work the whole night, and that you felt he was not being honest with you when he said otherwise. Listen carefully to his explanation, then let him know that he can always tell you anything, and that you love and support him.
Rebecca Brody is a Relationship Coach in New York City. She is the creator of She Caught the Crazy! If you need relationship advice or want to work with Coach Brody contact Brody@TheLuvCoach.com or go to www.TheLuvCoach.com. For more crazy stories visit www.SheCaughtTheCrazy.comFamous Black Couples
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Comments: (15)
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By: Tracey on 6/12/2008 11:08AM
I feel the reason her husband had lied to her is because he doesn't know how to communicate with her. the issue can even be her fault. are you hard to talk to, have you lost your sense for fun. he went to a bar! not a big deal, he just want to drink have some him time doesnt want to do the normal routine, which can become danagerous grounds for future cheating if the wife is forcing him to live a routine boring your relattionship.
its a bachelor party let him live i'm pretty sure he has dirty pics hidden from you and doesn't want to let you in to that part of his life because you may have a old lady attitude towards life. just let him live its las vegas what happeneds there doesnt have anything to do with you.
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By: Aaron on 6/12/2008 1:20PM
I'm under the impression that if a man has a bachelor party it's his perogative to do so, it represents his last night as a single man. It doens't mean he'll look to have sex with the exotic dancer, although some men may (those are the ones not ready for marriage). Personally I feel that long before the ideal of marriage is introduced, both man and woman should be able to come together on one accord in order to create that important union. As we talk about healthy boundries, it is also important that each person can understand those boundaries and each person should understand their role in the relationship. It sounds to me that the person writind about her fiancee's Vegas trip has the need of being in control, and not knowing what happened in Vegas does not allow her that control. I also believ that TRUST is one of the most important aspects in all relationships, and it seem like she doesn't trust her man.
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By: debra on 6/12/2008 12:42PM
That is why it is very important to know from the begining to what each other likes and dislikes, what things that you like to do together, where the person stands spiritually and morally. And if he told you where he stands on these things and that he is not about going to the bars, stripper club nor drinking, then when others start pressuring him into doing these things and then he gets upset because you do not want him to participate in these things, then it is nobody"s fault but his because he should had be upfront with you in the first place, that"s why the bible say"s do not but unequally yoke with unbelievers, because they will try to lead you away from God and his word.
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By: shay on 6/12/2008 1:00PM
I'm sorry, I just don't understand why men in relationships have to go to strip clubs. If you have a beautiful woman at home and you have a fulfilling sex life, why go to a strip club. All you're gonna see is the same thing you have at home. My husband has told me that there is no way he would feel ok about me going to watch men strip. But he seems to think it's ok for him to go occasionally. I don't think it's ok for my husband to watch other naked women. I don't see anything wholesome or beneficial in that at all. And for the record I know I am beautiful and I am very secure in who I am. I think it's a morality issue. God made Adam and Eve, not Adam, Eve and Lady Luscious. Just my opinion.
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By: Jermaine Artis on 6/12/2008 8:47PM
Well why do every talk issue is about the mens. Womens also have bachelorete parties with striper. I feel that the talk issue should be about both. When it comes 2 womens parting. they attend 2 be wilder than mens. When guys go 2 strip clubs. They are not aloud 2 touch the strippers but at the strip clubs 4 the womens. They can do any and everything 2 the guys. So the lady who is worry about her man doing anything wrong at his bachelor party at the strip club in Vegas. I wouldn't worry about that but now they are alot of street womens in Vegas that I would worry about that would do anything 4 money but the strippers I wouldn't worry about. If you know your man and if he's a good man. I wouldn't worry about anything.
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By: Dee on 6/12/2008 6:56PM
Where is Beyonce in these days post nuptials? My initial thought when they got married in a hush hush wedding was that she must be pregnant. If that's not the case, then where in the world is she - hmm?
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By: J.Paul Ghetto on 6/12/2008 10:34PM
While I don't disagree with the comment made by Shay, yes a man may have a very beautiful wife at home. She may be very attractive, & have all kinds of things going for her. BUT....Men..(black men especially)go to strip clubs to see women with big breasts & fat behinds. Maybe dude's wife doesnt have big breasts or a fat behind to go along with those other qualifications that she possesses. Dudes lose their minds over fat behinds.
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By: G. E. Nichols on 6/13/2008 12:07AM
A woman who is insecure about her relationship with her man and how how she treats him should be affraid, she probably isn't ready for marriage or is getting into the marriage with the wrong man, or for the wrong reasons.
And it's the same for the man, is it love or lust.both should ask themselves that.
there can be infinite love between them both but without trust,communication, compatibility, understanding, and without compromise can destroy a marriage.
I've worked in the medical feild for over 30 years and have seen many relationshiops continue or collapse.
After a time in the relationship thing become almost habitual, but if only 1 is willing to experimant and expand the experienace whole he pther shuns away, then that is a time for cncern about the peace and longevity of that relationship.
Sometimes the simple things are the most cherished.
Like maybe a teentype romp in the family sedan, or those quikies to relieave the pressure.
Bacherlor parties are mens way of maturing.
And it's true, some women have dirtier bachelorette parties then men do, I've heard the stories---from the females in the workplace.
Fellas, just listen to them when the work load is light, or they forget that we are nearby. you know who's frustrated and who are satisfyied.
Women listen as well so you don't fall into a bad habit.
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By: BrendaD on 6/13/2008 12:12AM
I don't have a problem with my man going to strip clubs. During the discovery time early in our relationship he expressed that he occaisionally enjoys this type of entertainment and stressed that "entertainment" is all it is. Perhaps it is not an issue for me because I view the industry as "entertainment" as well. He has given me no indication otherwise that he is fooling around and, quite frankly, when he returns home from a night at the strip club, his carbuerator is primed and ready! (And for those skeptics out there...yes, it's MY name he yells at his peak!) As for a stripper at a bachelor party...I say if you consider your man marrying material...don't sweat the the small stuff! Watching a strip show or having a "lap dance" is no different than watching a 3-D movie or playing the video game, Grand Theft Auto>>IT'S NOT REAL!
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By: Summer on 6/13/2008 3:59AM
Okay what the hell is that lame woman tracey talking about? We're talking about marriage. Hello? Something sacred that I am sure a lof of women are worried about. And you want to say that whatever he's doing is none of the womans business? What kind of rocks are you smoking? If it wasnt her business then she wouldnt be marrying the dude! Some men are shady and the woman has a right to know! You sound like a burnt out jealous hater.
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