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Maybe you can help me with my situation because I'm at the point I don't know which way to go. I have been married for 13 years. I just found out that my husband and a friend of mine that I have known for 2 years have been secretly calling and e-mailing each other. They both say nothing happened. My friend sent my husband an instant message that said I miss you and was thinking about you while he was away on a business trip. She doesn't see anything wrong with that. She didn't tell me she sent it, I just happened to see it while helping her with her computer. Confused! Please help!
This is a very precarious situation, because it is still new, and you must nip it in the bud before any irreparable damage is done. You have read the e-mails so you know the extent of their relationship, and it does not sound like they are planning a surprise birthday party for you. Your friend is playing a dangerous game, and if she were truly your friend she would not put you in such a position. The key here is to set your boundaries with both your friend and your husband. Sit your husband down and let him know that this type of communication crosses the boundaries of friendship and that it makes you uncomfortable. A great tool to use is the "Swap Shoes" tool. Ask him how he would feel if the tables were turned and he found out that you were secretly calling and e-mailing another man. Whether he understands your position or not, you must create a definitive boundary that lets him know he can no longer continue this friendship with her in this way. You must also set a boundary with your friend. Let her know that her clandestine relationship with your husband is not appropriate, and that if she respects the friendship, she will no longer cross that line.
I have been with this guy for 8 months, and he has asked to marry me. We just found out that the lady he was seeing before me just had his baby. When he moved out she said that she was not pregnant but she actually was, and the baby is his. Should I stay with him because it was before we started dating or should I just say goodbye and move on?
It sounds like your boyfriend jumped from one relationship to the next in a very short amount of time, and when a person does this they do not take the time to work through previous baggage. This is your opportunity to assess where you are in this relationship and what is really going on. If you and your boyfriend honestly did not know that his ex was pregnant, and you feel that this is a relationship you should not pass on, then take the time to allow your situation to evolve naturally. There is no need to rush into marriage, because you have the rest of your lives to enjoy that choice. Take the time now to ask yourself if you are truly committed to him, and to making a life with him. Are you ready to be a step mom? Sit down with him and create a realistic vision of what your future might be like if you were to stay together. You have all the time in the world to make an informed decision based on the reality of the next several months, so be a conscious participant and give yourself that time before making any life long decisions.
Rebecca Brody is a Relationship Coach in New York City. She is the creator of She Caught the Crazy! If you need relationship advice or want to work with Coach Brody contact Brody@TheLuvCoach.com or go to www.TheLuvCoach.com. For more crazy stories visit www.SheCaughtTheCrazy.comFamous Interracial Couples
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Comments: (324)
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By: Cheryl on 6/13/2008 7:16AM
Im only 18 and im in a serious relationship. I had just lost my mum 2 months before, it was christmas night and i had my boyfriend over to stay to comfort me. I woke up during the night to hear vibrating, it was his fone. I went in to his jeans pocket to fnd a text from a girl so i took his fone down stair and done some investigationg. I text her back as if it was my boyfriend texting her to see if they have had sex. When i found out they had i went up to the bedroom. After denying it i called the number explained to her that he had a girlfriend and got details of when and where they had been meeting up. They had also been talking on msn. I split up with him for about 2months. Everyday he was calling, texting, begging for my forgivness and wanting me back. I took him back the day after valentines day. Its been hard but were working through it still, trying to build up trust. The next time he does it or lies about the simplist thing were over and he knows it.
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By: justpicky on 6/13/2008 7:14AM
If each spouse loves each other , the one spouse who's getting involved with someone else , should say " I love my ( wife / hubby ) and I'm not getting involved ,this isn't something any person should do. Leave and move on . It's NEVER greener on the other side. Once a cheater always a cheater . I seen this several times with others.
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If you're dating a ( lady / man ) and he /she were involved with another person . And if the ex was pregnant it's best to get out of that relationship and let (him ) take responsible for the ex ,especially if a baby is involved.
Couples should take care of there problems before every getting involved with another person . Clear up lose ends, if possible.
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I (myself ) would never be involved with a man if he has an ex wife or kids . Or if he had a girlfriend with his child. I rather be with a man who has no children or ex . If he single , than I MIGHT think about it but I need to know who he really is . What kind of person . Or wait a year after you really know him , than get involved if not , move on .
Problem with people they get involved to fast . Date take there time . no rush. You've to be cautious.
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By: Rose on 6/13/2008 7:15AM
hey this is not right what a friend his as much at fault like she is. this is wrong not respect on his part and hers. if she started he should have told her not to email him and if he was the one she should have stop him. but man are man well thank god i dont have this problem cause he be gone long time ago . they need to be together two of a kind. but that your choice
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By: Dan on 6/13/2008 7:17AM
Of course there is something inappropriate going on...whether it has turned into an affair yet or not. A Dr. Phil quote comes to mind here;
"People who have nothing to hide hide nothing"
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By: rick on 6/13/2008 7:17AM
if he is considering another womans company, then he is not satisfied with his home situation. maybe consider using the word "NO" quite so much and he might just change his attitude. i put that in caps because no matter how you say it, that is how it is heard by a man.
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By: Guido on 6/13/2008 7:18AM
Ifound pictures of my wife she had taken of herself on her cell phone, text messages back and forth with an old high school male friend. I was told the pictures were for my Christmas present, and the two of them were working on a surprize for his wife. Then she left her email screen on one day and there were several emails back and forthe. Woeds like, :excited what we have done, if you want to stop I understand, I have him convinced the pictures were for him, I hope you like the pics I sent you, hope you are not too lonely traveling alone! And she said nothing was going on! Right I can't trust her at all!
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By: Jennifer on 6/13/2008 7:20AM
If a man has been "friends" with a woman for 3 years and you never knew, that should tell you something right there. If this woman was like a "sister" to him, why did he not tell you about her? Also, the texting "I love you and miss you"...you dont say things like that to a married man...unless you don't care that he is married. Yelling and threatening does no good. He will placate you and be back to it as soon as it is safe. Good luck.
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By: davechildress on 6/13/2008 7:20AM
hi a friend of mine told she had 64 year old man had feeligs for her and hes married and he has been sending emails to her and presents she soo badly to tell his wife should she tell his wife
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By: Butt_It_Wuz_So_Good on 6/13/2008 7:24AM
During family outings, Holidays, Summer Vacations, and get-togethers, she would alsways flirt with me ever so gently. After twenty years of wondering what it would be like to taste each other, I finally made love to my best friend's wife. At a nice resort, our nervous naked bodies touched each other for the first time after a tentalating in-room massage by professional masseuses. Too nervously excited to reach my sexual peak, I brought to orgasm at least 3 times. She showered and re-dressed into her cute little new outfit with matching summer shoes with bows tied neatly over the toes, bought especially to impress me when she arrived at the hotel room door.... she left. We repeated the secret rendevue a second time a few weeks later. This time an overnight romp while her husband was out of town and me traveling on "business". Once a half-gallon of milk was finally out of my system, the guilt of betraying my best friend forced me to break it off despite her repeated calls and emails begging for more. We vowed to take the secret to our graves rather than hurt the ones we love and divide long-term friendships and 2 families with children. Butt it wuz good, for the moments. But I wouldn't do it again... Promise.
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By: qanda on 6/13/2008 7:25AM
I know how you all feel. My husband was working at a hotel and there was a married woman who also work there, she and her husband were having trouble and were always fighting. She would tell him all about it and he would tell her to leave him. She said she couldn't because of her boy's. Her husband was in the service and thought he was better than we were.She would wait until he left even if they hadn't been fighting and call my husband and he would drop everything he was doing and go. She was on the heavy side alot heavier than me and she never wore a bra.When we had a New Year's Eve party she came with a very thin shirt on and you could see right through it. Someone said something about it and she got mad about it. My husband started yelling and asking you said it and it was time for everyone to go. She was blocked in and he started telling people to move their cars out of the way, He told her when no one was moving them , that he would get his out and take her home. Her husband was getting transfered back to where they were from, CA. He out our house up for sale and put in his notice to quit his job and told me we were moving there to. I told him if he wanted to go then he can go, but me and the kids are staying here. He said it was because his mom went out to live with a daughter she hadn't seen in over 20 years. I ask him where was he wanting to move to ? He told me, I called his sister and ask where this was from her ? She said that is about 100 miles from us. That's when I got mad and said you go if you want to, I'm not going there to have what has been going on here to be going on there. Of course he didb't want to have to send me money for the kids,so he didn't go either. That isn't the only time he has done about the same thing 2 other times.I told him he had better stop or we were leaving and he wouldn't only pay child supoort but he would be oaying me to. I far as I know he hasn't done anything like that, but I don't trust him now.
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