Luv Coach Q&A: Two Women Caught Up

By Rebecca Brody, Certified Empowerment Coach

How to Leave a Married Man

Q: I have been involved with a married man for 5 years and I have come to the point in our relationship that I no longer want to be second best, but I know that his daughters have always been the reason he can't leave. I understand that having Daddy's love is the most important factor in them growing up and finding their Prince Charming. I have chosen to end our relationship based on the love his daughters share for the first man they will always love and I have no regrets on my decision, I just don't know how to tell him that we can only be friends at this point in our lives.

A: Congratulations! It takes a brave woman to realize that she must put herself first. You need to know your own value before anyone else can realize your worth. Since you have the courage to end the relationship, I know that you can find the strength to transition from relationship to friendship. This will require a period of no contact between you two, so that you can both heal, and move your hearts forward. When you have successfully worked through the separation issues, you can begin to visualize and construct the type of friendship you would like to have with this man.

You will need to set up clear boundaries of friendship, so you don't lapse into the same old patterns that kept you invested in this relationship for five years. You are making a conscious choice to love yourself, so keep that in mind as your main goal. This is your opportunity to create a positive, new life for yourself.

Still Dreaming of an Old Love

Q: I met a guy from match.com and I fell in love with him instantly. At the time we met I was so broke, I was literally suffering. I remember when he told me he didn't want to deal with a woman with baggage, and boy I had a lot of it.

He would call to meet up with him and I would come up with excuses not to. I was in fear of what he might think of me when I told him the truth about my situation. He finally gave up and boy did I cry because he was everything I've always wanted and the time I met him wasn't a very good time -- still until this day it's not a very good time, because I'm struggling. I love him. We didn't do anything romantic except talk on the phone. I can't stop thinking about him. I've tried to move on, but he won't go away and it's killing me -- I'm afraid to contact him. What do you think I should do?

A: What you are experiencing is not love, but rather infatuation. You actually have no idea who this man is, because you have never met him. I am sure you learned a little about him over the phone, but until you see him interact in real life, you don't know if his words are equal to his actions. You are infatuated with an idea of who he is, and this idea was constructed in your own mind during a time in your life when you have been struggling. You have created the man you want to see in front of you, not the man he really is. This is not healthy, because you inevitably set your relationships up for failure, when you learn that the image of the man in your head does not match the man in front of you. It is time to let go of this imaginary man, and turn your attention towards your own situation.

I can tell that you are not ready to allow a man into your life, because you have not worked out your own struggles. Focus your energy and time into turning your situation around and being comfortable with who you are, and where you are in your life. When the right guy does come along, you will not only be ready to receive him, you will be present within yourself, so you can experience who he truly is.

Next Luv Coach Q&A: The Female Orgasm >>>

Life Coach Rebecca Brody Rebecca Brody is currently a Life Empowerment coach in New York City. Her area of expertise is in relationship coaching. She is a graduate of Vassar and Ipec, and has trained with the Relationship Coaching Institute. She is ICF certified, and has been studying social interaction, relationships and coupling for over a decade. To work with Coach Brody contact Brody@theluvcoach.com, or go to www.theluvcoach.com.

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Simon Cowell and Terri Seymour
Notorious for his blunt scowl and less than pleasant demeanor, Simon Cowell's smile is nevertheless always present when around longtime girlfriend, Afro-Caribbean hottie Terri Seymour.The pair have reportedly been dating since late 2002. (Photo by Gregg DeGuire, WireImage.com)

Paula Patton and Robin Thicke
Paula and her blue-eyed soul singer husband have been going strong since 2005. She has been featured on the cover of his 'Beatiful Girl' album and in his video and also featured in twoof his videos (Photo by Demis Maryannakis, Splash News)

Taye Diggs and Idina Mendel
This couple, playfully called "Tidina," a combination of their names, have been married since January 11, 2003. The couple met during the play RENT in 1996 and have been together ever since. (Photo by Ethan Miller, Getty Images)

Wolfgang Puck and Gelila Assefa
Married in July 2007, celebrity chef Wolfgang Puck and his wife, handbag maker Gelila Assefa make an internationally sexy pair. The couple have both a 20 year age gap and two sons. (Photo byVince Bucci, Getty Images)

Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry
Even though she's ten years his senior, actress Halle Berry and French-Canadian supermodel Gabriel Aubry have been going strong for over two years. Nahla Ariela Aubry, the progeny of these two beautiful ones, was born on March 16, 2008. Berry, who has been married twice, says she has no plans to marry again. (Photo by Evan Agostini, Getty Images)

Seal and Heidi Klum
One of today's 'it' couples, Seal and Heidi Klum are not shy about their affection for each other (often photographed touching frequently). The couple, whose skin tones are beautiful in contrast, first met when Heidi was pregnant with ex-husband Flavio Briatore's child. They were married a year later in 2005 and now have two sons. (Photo by Kevork Djansezian, AP)

Robert Deniro and Grace Hightower
Robert Deniro married his second African American wife, Grace Hightower in 1997, but just a year later, the couple filed for divorce. They have a son, Eliot. (Photo by Andrew H. Walker, Getty Images)

Roger Ebert and Chaz Hammelsmith

Known to have dated Oprah Winfrey, Ebert is no stranger to strong black women. In 1993, he married then-trial attorney and current wife Chaz Hammelsmith, who has sincebecome a judge. (Photo by Bryan Bedder, Getty Images)

Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush
Stars in their own right, these two have risen to tabloid stardom with their very public relationship. While he is a football phenomenon, she is a gorgeous socialite made famous by a reality show and a racy sex tape (see Ray J). (Photo by Ethan Miller, Getty Images)

Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren
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