I'll never forget Season 5 of F/X's critically acclaimed drama series 'Nip/Tuck,' in which the main character, Dr. Sean McNamera, and his girlfriend, Kate, were getting hot and heavy in a hot tub scene. Kate, who had recently had gastric bypass surgery to control her stress-induced eating problems had taken a few laxatives before frolicking in the water with boyfriend Sean. Faking a cramp, Kate attempts to get out the tub mid-kiss, Sean, who at that point is way too turned on to stop, eases her back in the tub. In less than few seconds, Kate, defecates in the tub all over them both.

Gross, I know, and probably the most disgusting thing I've seen on television to date. Although extreme, face it, many of us know firsthand that every moment in the bedroom (or hot tub) isn't always magical. As much as we would like sparks to fly each and every time we have sex, even during our best performances sometimes uber- awkward, insanely embarrassing, and simply gross moments ruin the mood. Some we may later find comical, others so disastrous it traumatizes us or our partner forever.

Whether in a long-term relationship or enjoying the novelty of a spring fling, we count down how to recover from the five worse bedroom blunders possible. Remember how you react will weigh greater than what actually happened, so be cool, be comical, and learn how to be smooth.
5. Situation: Technical Difficulties with the Music

Nothing like a CD skipping while your getting your grove on. Teddy P singing, "Turn off the lights, and light a can- can- can- can- can- can," is everything but sexy. Or if you graduated from CD's, can't stop your IPOD from mistakenly going to 'Sunday Gospel Mix,' instead of your "Get Em Girl Mix.' Great, now you're wondering what Jesus would do as your legs are up in the air.

Damage: Someone has to get up and be DJ Fix-It.

Recover: Don't let it ruin the moment--instead introduce a challenge. "First person to the stereo, gets (insert kinky favor here)." Works like a charm!


4. Situation: Noise

To quiet, to loud? This usually happens when you don't let your love making happen organically. Maybe you or your partner are hesitant about having sex, or how they are performing during sex, or what is bound to happen after the act is committed. Acting like a porn star using sexual sounds to overcompensate uncertainty, is just as bad as the two of you acting like mutes in the bed.

Damage: More time is spent focusing on lack of noise or the abundance of it, versus enjoying the act.

Recover: Be quiet, or speak up.

3. Situation: The Unintentional Nap

Most of us don't get the amount of sleep we should. Sometimes you can be totally into a person, totally turned on, but completely burnt out and exhausted. Many of us will green light the deed, thinking sex can be our euphoric "red bull." Wrong! There is nothing worse than your partner finding out that what they thought were deep and longing moans were in all actuality bear snores.

Damage: Your partner will think they bore you or that sexually, you're not that interested.

Recover: Assure your partner it's not them, but the fact you were up since 5 am, and only had two hours of sleep before working a nine-hour day. Let them know how much a cuddle session or nap would be appreciated, and turn them on sexually with your words, and what you plan to do to them once you're awaken and energized. Try something like, "Girl I'ma get the rope and tape out and start by taping my eyelids open..."

2. Situation: The Fart

The severity of this depends on what stage and position you were in when you farted, and secondly just how stinky it is. Farting during a kiss, will never be as bad as gas passed when receiving oral sex.

Damage: If your hydrogen sulfide bombs are known to clear rooms, you are in far worse situation. If you're a woman, then forget about it, your"dainty lady-like" image is out the window.

Recover: Blame it on the other person or something ridiculous like "John, how could you," or "That always happens when you rub against my pinky toe," and you both can laugh it off.

1. Situation: Dirty Talk/Role Playing Gone Wrong

Um did you just say you want to put my what? Where? While I act like a 70 year-old heroin addict and you wear my panties? Sometimes our sexual foreplay, dirty talk, or role playing might be a tad bit much for our partners. What we find is the biggest turn on could be the hugest turn off if we don't gauge our partners lasciviousness correctly.

Damage: May leave your partner uncomfortable and disgusted by your fantasies.

Recover: Apologize immediately, starting off with "I just felt so comfortable around you, I sort of let go." Then immediately after do like Jamie--blame it on the al al al cohol!